i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
this is an emotional support booty call
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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