He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
