4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My room smells like vodka and shame
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
