Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Couch. On fire.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
