whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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