glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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