She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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