Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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