He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
