dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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