That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
