Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
