I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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