Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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