So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
