At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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