I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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