Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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