Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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