I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
