We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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