ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
