And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
