Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
