I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize