The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
