I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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