I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
