No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
