She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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