thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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