His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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