No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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