I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
