oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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