i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
