I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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