so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
