there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
