you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
