talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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