you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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