We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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