Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
