The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
