Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
