I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
