So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
