and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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