Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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