i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize