This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
