What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
