Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize