Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
