Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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