I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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