I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I cannot find my penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
