I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just tell him i said nine months
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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