alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
