got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
