I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
