She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
