No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
