Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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