Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
