Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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