she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
