So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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