Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
