did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
