Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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