dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Panties = found
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