I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sarcasm needs its own font
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
