I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
