I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your penis caused this!
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