if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
