Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
