My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
