I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you had me at cake vodka
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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