1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
