i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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