I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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